How to Deal With Loneliness in Isolation

Welcome to the first of some special episodes of Said in Therapy. The new global spread of coronavirus is new and is affecting all of us. This virus has brought a whole set of new medical, economic, and political problems.

But it has also given us a ton of uncertainty and anxiety, which will begin to have tremendous negative effects on our mental well-being. But whenever I'm feeling confused or fearful, I always try to remember that looking for answers and evidence-based science is the best thing to do.

And this is why I'm recording the episode, hoping that this can help you. For those of you who haven't listened to me before, I'm Iman Tohami. I'm a clinical psychologist, and in the past four weeks, I have been social distancing with my family.

And life as I know it, as we all know it, has totally changed. The majority of my sessions have been shifted to digital ones. The whole process of adjusting to a new life has been really stressful, scary, and really sad.

My colleagues and I have been asked to take more sessions for medical stuff all over the world. Because they too have to cope with this enormous task that is not only unprecedented, but also tiring and unpredictable. They too deal with what we deal with.

They too don't know what future holds. And here we are, all of us dealing with problems after problems. External problems like finances, daily logistics, and new schedules, but also internal issues like what to do with the new set of emotions that has no outlet anymore.

Life as we know it has changed. Coping mechanisms as we know them have changed. We no longer can hit the gym to blow off some steam or meet friends over coffee to talk through our thoughts and emotions. Social isolation can also bring a lot of loneliness.

So I have decided to open this podcast to the public and to answer some of the most common questions I get online. And as the title already tells you, this one answers the question about how to deal with isolation and loneliness.

So let me start by telling you what I have started in social isolation. And I'm sure many of you have done this as well: panic scrolling. I panic scrolled social media, several feeds, websites, just to get a sense of security.

But it didn't provide the distraction I was craving. The latest news winded me up even more anxious. I am one of the lucky ones, you know. I have many scientists, doctors, psychologists, and many more on spiel dial, really, if I wanted to.

So getting first hand and accurate information was something that I have access to. I know, however, that many of you don't have this luxury, so I want to share some of the insights that I was able to obtain.

A couple of days ago, I called my old colleague Mary, who works at the WHO. And even though we hadn't talked in a very long time, it felt like I had seen her just yesterday. Well, in fact, the last time I have seen her was in April 2012.

Can you imagine? Now, this is a person who sits in the source of information we all want to have. And to my surprise, she is and was carried like all of us. But she's also the funniest person I know.

So coping for her with this whole situation is basically humor. We laughed a lot. We spoke about how usually when crisis hits, people would go out and try to help each other. We have seen this many times in the field.

Because, you know, when crisis hits, people go out, they start helping, regardless of their background, religion, or ethnicity. It is just something that is deeply embedded in us. When something happens, we want to do something. But with coronavirus, we are forced to do the exact opposite for the safety of those who need it the most.

We are forced to stay at home and cut off connection as we know it. Our immediate impulse to help one another with physical touch, such as hugs or holding hands, this is something that we cannot do anymore. And we are stripped of this opportunity and it really doubles the tragedy of this pandemic.

It's only natural that many of us sit at home deprived of social contact, forced into a state of loneliness and fear. Psychologists know that loneliness is actually poisonous. It can lead to depression and anxiety. But not only that, it can also have serious impacts on your physical health.

Research has shown that loneliness can be as bad as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. And this is exactly where I want to turn to the brighter side to give you some tips and tricks on how to battle this complicated time.

First things first. This is a moment of vast shared experience. There is no chance in that. Whoever is alive today goes through the exact same experience. Whether it is your coworker, distant friend, your best friends or family members.

One way or another, we all go through the same thing. And in that lies actually great strength. So whomever you're going to call, there's something to bond over. And so connection is established and you can feel supported. You know, I have been thinking for the past three or more years, I have blamed social media and technology for tearing apart the social fabric that you can get in real life when you have real social interaction.

And for now, I have to revisit the thought and tell myself how wrong I was. For now, this is the best shot for us to stay in touch with each other, use technology, cultivate interaction, and try to have a new bonding experience using technology.

So instead of panic scrolling, call loved ones. But I'm sure you have read and heard this a million times before. The question is now: what if this is something you cannot do? For many reasons. You know what I have seen lately?

All over the internet, I have seen so many webinars. And I believe that I have also seen a virtual book club where strangers come together and discuss a book together over Zoom or other services. I have seen so many ads for interactive webinars that don't need to be about coronavirus, you know.

I have even seen play groups that now take place virtually. So if you think that this is something stupid, I challenge you to actually try. It could contribute to you meeting new people and to lighten your mood. So the question you need to answer yourself is: how can I use technology to have the type of interaction that I would normally have in real life?

I love to call my friends and do nothing. You can ask them, many of them. Actually, all of them have experienced this with me before. You know, there were many times where I just called a friend to be silent and do absolutely nothing.

They hate it, by the way, but I do it anyway. There are also so many ways to create groups and hangouts on various platforms, by the way. I really encourage you to try. The lessons that I have learned from this is that technology is actually not as harmful as I believed.

Social media is actually exactly that. Social media. If you can learn and know how to avoid the things that actually don't make you feel as good. And also if I don't or if all of us stop panic scrolling.

So let's remember that we can actually have video calls and use it to be silent if need be.