Relationships During The Pandemic

Welcome to another bonus episode of Said in Therapy. The no global spread of coronavirus is now affecting all of us. This virus has brought a whole set of new medical, economic, and political problems. But it has also given us a ton of uncertainty and anxiety, which will begin to have tremendous negative effects on our mental well-being.

But whenever I'm feeling confused or fearful, I'm trying to remember that looking for answers in evidence-based science is the best thing to do. And this is why I'm recording these episodes hoping that they can help. And today we are going to cover the question that so many people have at the moment.

What can we do to keep our relationship healthy during the pandemic? For those of you who haven't listened before, I'm Iman Tohami and I'm a clinical psychologist. You know, about a month ago or so, I was actually craving some me time.

I was really hoping that some of my events and sessions get canceled so I can have quality time at home with my husband and child. What I didn't want though is to be sheltered in one place without any direction and no clear end in sight.

This situation takes a toll on relationships. It is so much harder to prioritize a relationship when you're also worried about work, the health of your loved ones, and you also have to take care of a toddler in my case.

Caring about everything at the same time is added stress and tension. So let's look at the science again. What does it say that we can do to get out of this mess with our relationships intact? So the first question that comes to mind is what does forced togetherness do to a relationship, especially if there is very limited opportunity to get out of the way when there are when there are conflicts.

This situation definitely changes things for the worse. If we don't adapt new coping mechanisms we haven't even considered before. And if you put two stressed people together while you guessed it, that can't be good. So there are two tips I want to give you.

First, lower expectations. Your partner goes through the same thing as you do. And to expect too much can actually harm the relationship. It doesn't cultivate a good base for communication and interaction. But also, second, don't lower your expectations so much that you stop putting effort into improving the relationship.

Because when you lose all expectations, you usually lose interest as well, and you simply stop trying. The outlook that is important here is how can you redefine your relationship so that it fits the current situation, but also helps you move forward from now on?

Because we will all come out of this pandemic changed, one way or another. Apart from the pandemic, the pressures on a modern relationship are really high. We are surrounded by ideals mostly unrealistic, set by movies, TV shows, and books.

Look, some of you are most likely stuck at home with a person who goes through the same thing as you. So if I can give you one mantra, don't expect of him her what you usually give. Instead, expect of him or her what he or she can give.

If you understand this concept, there can be an opportunity for you to get to know each other on an even deeper level. Psychologists say there are ways to go through the crisis without destroying the partnership. And there might be even opportunities to hit the reset button and address problems that in normal times you just let slide.

There are active strategies that we can take right now to protect our partnerships. Even when we are stuck in an incredibly stressful time, there are things that we can do to cultivate a sense of bonding between two people.

Go back to your relationship when it started and remember how attentive you were and go back to the things you enjoyed doing together, whether it is watching a good movie or having dinner dates together. Because if you go back to the initial place of love, you have a fair chance to come out of this pandemic with an even better relationship than before.

Now you're maybe going to say, well, we have children and it's stressful to bond after a long day of running around trying to homeschool children or creating structure for them so they don't break the house because they're bored.

Well, the challenge with parenting in the midst of the coronavirus is that outside activities are eliminated. No play dates, no drive to the park or beach to play for hours. So yes, parenting is a huge stressor, and you can be excused for that.

But at the same time, if we never take a moment to say, yes, I hate these circumstances, I wish the situation was different. But how great is it actually that we all have time together? We can actually make good memories right now if we stay present and enjoy the imperfect moment.

Many of my patients and clients have actually noticed how their children are thriving because they are around the parents all the time. Even teenagers suddenly become calm and seek conversations with the parents to gain some sense of security.

Look at these moments. When we learn to cherish them, we erase tension. At the end of the day, when you and your partner can actually sit down and discuss and identify your weaknesses and strengths, you can really construct a plan together that works for both of you.

Not only for now, but also for the future. Communication reduces frustration. Communication is key. What it does is, first, you solve the problem at hand. Or second, you expect less because you become more lenient with one another. Or third, use and analyzing each other because you finally talk.

Talk, talk, talk. Because communication changes perspectives. And if really nothing works, I encourage you to always watch the situation from the perspective of your partner before you react. And do so from a place of love. Again, making real time for one another and talking is key.

Thank you so much for listening. I hope you enjoyed the episode so far. If you have any questions or suggestions, please don't hesitate to reach out. You can find me on social media, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. The handle is always @saidintherapy.